Me? Myself? I? (Penny Rader)

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Earlier this month Pat challenged us with tough questions to ask ourselves.  I'm struggling to come with answers.  Here's what I've got so far.  Maybe you can help me come up with some answers.  Funny how easy it for the negative thoughts to take over.

What is your value?

The voices of the bullies in my past immediately chime in, "Value?  You have no value!  You're fat.  You're ugly.  No one wants to be your friend."   Could also be the Catholic in me.    You know, thou shalt not, the Seven Deadlies, and all that jazz.

So...I try to shove those voices aside and figure out what my value is.

Still thinking.   Could use a Penny version of It’s a Wonderful Life about now to see if anyone’s better off for my having been here. (Surely I'm not the only one who as wondered this.)


Okay.  Here are a few:

• My kids.  They brighten this world, and their kids in turn.
• I have kept a roof over my family's head for a number of years now.
• I like sharing information with others.   
• I can sometimes make people laugh and, hopefully, cheer them up for a bit.  

What is your strength? 

Aye-yi-yi.   This is as nearly as hard as the value question.

• Patience?  The ability to wait without fidgeting…much.
• I used to think I could get along with nearly everyone but I’ve been proven wrong.  Still, I try.
• I also try to have a positive attitude.
• I can talk your ear off…which can be good if you’re in need of a distraction.

What do you enjoy?

This one’s easy:

• Naps
• Reading 
• Movies
• TV
• Crocheting
• Learning
• Laughing
• Lazy days off
• Cuddling with babies

What is your passion? 

• I love losing myself in stories…movies, books, etc. 
• I also want to make a difference.   I've been crocheting up a storm the last several years.  The feel of the yarn in my hands soothes me; the completed scarves and hats fill me with a sense of accomplishment…I hope they find their way to someone in need of their warmth and comfort. 

What is your weakness?

Another easy question.   Shouldn't that be plural?

In no particular order:

• Procrastination – I am a pro at this.  
• Getting words on the page – I am not a pro at this.
• Fear...of falling flat on my face ...of the words not coming ...of characters not talking to each other, let alone me; fear of failing my kids, my family, my friends, my bosses.
• I rarely (as in almost never) cook anymore.
• I am an exceptionally bad housekeeper.
• Organized…Not!
• Laziness...lack of energy...just flat out not feeling 'good' for more years than I can count.
• People pleaser – hate, hate, hate conflict.  Want everyone happy and in harmony.
• In a crisis, all the energy leaves my body and I feel an overwhelming need for a nap. Or a dark hole somewhere.  Maybe even a nap in the dark hole.
• Consistently inconsistent.  This post is a perfect example.  
• Did I mention I can talk your ear off?  

Oh, do you hear her?  Violet, the Dowager Countess on Downton Abbey just said, “Stop whining…”  So I shall.
~~~~
How about you?  Can you answer Pat’s questions?  I’d love to learn more about you.

Patricia Davids, flaws and all.

I told you earlier this month that I would post my answers to the questions I posed to you. After some soul searching, here I go.

Question # 1. What is your value?

 I have value as a mother, a grandmother and the daughter of aging parents. My value outside my family lies in being a caregiver and a writer. I also have value as a good neighbor, a teacher and mentor for people who want to become writers. I take my value seriously.

 Question # 2. What is your strength?

I have a huge dose of self-confidence. My real strength is that I believe in me. In my talent, in my ability to master whatever I put my mind to, be it writing, remodeling the house or teaching the dog new tricks. People who know me may say stubbornness and persistence are my strengths. I can't disagree.

Question # 3. What do you enjoy? The answers to this question are just about endless. I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. I enjoy traveling and seeing places I've only read about, I enjoy learning new things. For me, doing research is like a sunny day in the park with homemade ice cream in a cone. Not much gets better than that. I enjoy stretching my mind.

Question # 4. What is your passion? I will tell you what it's not. It's not being a writer. Being a writer is my job, STORYTELLING is my passion. I love, love, love taking an idea and mushing it around like a ball of Play dough and turning it into a happily ever after story. Recounting events in my life and making people laugh, bringing a tear to their eye, entertaining them, that's my passion. Going to the computer and writing is plain hard work. Hitting my daily word count is torture. Making my characters say and do the right thing at the right time is often frustrating. Twenty books and it isn't any easier. Go figure.

 Last question. What is your weakness?
This was the hard question and the one that took the most soul-searching. A lack of focus and procrastination are issues of mine, but my overconfidence is my real underlying weakness. I think I can do anything I put my mind to. The truth is, I can't always accomplish the lofty goal I've chosen. Someday, when I learn to channel my overconfidence into focus and productivity, I'm going to be the awesome prolific writer I want to be. Until then, I'll continue to struggle to meet my own expectations.

If you haven't shared the answer to my question, please feel free to do so. It's about looking inward and mapping a road to satisfaction with yourself.

Getting Down to Business

Pat, Theresa, and Joan have given me a lot to think about.  December was a busy month and now that the holidays and all they involve are over, I can't seem to get in gear.  I know I should.  I keep telling myself I need to at least put forth the effort to start.  But I kind of feel like that picture on the left.  It's after the party and the excitement is gone, and we're left with the empty champagne bottle and the streamers.  I feel like one of those noisemakers that unfurls when blown into, but I quit furling back again and am slowly drooping.

Pat's questions keep going through my mind.  I can answer one. I know my weaknesses.  One of them is staying on track.  I'm truly a Gemini, going from one thing to another, without mastering anything.  Another is lack of confidence.  It isn't new.  I've dealt with it all my life.  For now---if I can make myself stay with it---I'm working on it.  I'm the only one who can.

Value?  Well, yeah, I guess I have value.  I believe everybody does, just as I believe everyone is gifted in some way.  Strengths?  Well, I can be stubborn enough not to give up.  Strangely, I never believed I would be a published author, but I refused to quit writing.  It kept me out of trouble.  It still does. ☺

I love Theresa's list!  I also see myself in many of her points.  However, I can let things go.  It's a major weakness.  She may be a stuff shuffler, but I'm a piler.  It's obviously been passed down in our family, because we all are.  In fact, if our heads were flat, we'd pile things on them, too.

Joan teaches me that we don't give up.  Health issues are one of the worst things that can happen to us and cause us to see ourselves as weak...which is not true.  Joan proves that each day.  I'm in awe.

All of this reminds me that we're eight days into the new year, and I'm dragging my feet.  Why?  Gee, I wish I knew.  It's not that there isn't plenty waiting for me to do.  So I'll make a list, get a calendar, and create a schedule.  There's a whole new year---minus eight days---to get things done.  Wish me luck!

You in the year ahead.

Pat Davids wishing everyone Happy New Year. Happy 2013!!

This time of year is filled with renewed hopes and dreams for a better year, for ourselves and for others. Resolutions are made, and for the most part, not kept. I know. I do it every January.

Weigh less, spend less, save more, exercise more, and write more.

This year, I want to start the New Year, not with a list of resolutions, but by asking you a question.

It's a tough one. Are you ready?

What is your value?

Not what do you value, but what is your value?

I told you it was a tough question. It's not the only question I have for you, but it's my first one.

Think about it. Are you valuable because you are the breadwinner? A grandmother? A homemaker? The better half? An awesome friend? What makes you a valuable person? Are you an efficient worker? Do you have empathy for others? Are you a problem solver? Every life is valuable. You are valuable. Look inside and see if you can give a voice to that value.

On to my second question. What is your strength?

What is the most indelible part of you? What makes you tick? It can be more than one thing. Perhaps it's your faith. Maybe it's your children or your husband. Perhaps it is your ability to care for others. Perhaps your strength lies in teaching, fixing things or in the belief that what you do matters. Search your heart. What makes you strong?

Did you think the questions would get easier? They don't.

My third question. What do you enjoy?

Think about this carefully. What do you enjoy? Just you. Quiet time or going out with friends? I enjoy both. Family time? Traveling? Serving others? The New Year will be dull and lifeless if you don't make time for what you enjoy. Pick a date and mark your calendar for some you time.

So now, drum roll, please…What is your passion?

Now that you have focused on what you enjoy, pick out your passion. It's the one thing you love above all else. It can't be family. That's a given for most parents. This is about you. You are not just a parent or a spouse. You have a core that goes much deeper. What would you want to do, or to be, if every distraction was removed from your life?

A side note about passions. They change, evolve, migrate, and even disappear completely. What you were passionate about when you are 20 can be a lot different from what you are passionate about when you reach 60. And that's okay. Live in today, not yesterday and not tomorrow. What are you passionate about today?

As romance writers, many of us will say our passion lies in writing romance, but does it really. Are you passionate about weaving a spellbinding story from a simple idea? Taking that word count from 0 to 20,000, 60,000 or 100,000? Or, are you passionate about getting lost in a breathtaking story that someone else served you whole and unblemished and makes you sigh when it's done? We can love books and romance without writing it. We can love horses and cowboys without getting manure on our shoes, too. When you uncover your passion, you won't care what you have to step in to achieve it.

Okay, one more question. What is your weakness?

Lack of focus is mine with procrastination a darn close second. You will notice I didn't tell you my answers to the other questions. I'm still pondering them.

What keeps you from following your passion? What holds you back from accepting your full value? Is it fear? Is it a lack of confidence? Over commitment? It can't be family, or your crappy job, or anything outside of you. This is about you. This is about finding out what makes you tick.

To know and understand you is the key to finding inner peace and happiness.

When you have your answers to my questions boiled down to their most simple elements, you may share them here, or not, but write them down somewhere. Then you will have a place to start making the coming year a more productive and a happier one.

You will see your value. You can make time for what you enjoy. You will know your strengths. You will find your passion, and you will understand what is holding you back. From there, you can go forward with a clearer picture of who you are and what you need in order to accomplish the things you want to get done.

I blog again on the 16th. I'll share my answers with you then.