POV Part 2 by Joan Vincent

Yesterday I asked you to highlight each switch in point of view. Below I have done just that. Below I’ll have some information about how to fix POV.

Red is for Eldridge, Green for Omniscient, Blue for Richard

Eldridge Blanchard blocked his cousin’s way when Richard turned from greeting his last guest.

First cousins and the same age, Dremore and Eldridge were at times mistaken for one another by those not familiar with the pair. They were tall and well formed with faces more square than long, with chiselled features. Both were blond though Richard’s thick mane curled at neck and forehead while Eldridge wore his swept back.

The old pile is in fine fettle this eve. Does you proud,” Eldridge drawled even though he knew as well as Richard that the ancient house, a dozen furlongs from the newer family mansion, was kept in good repair because of a codicil in the original baron’s will. “Still cowtowing to your mother’s whims I see,” he continued, certain the dowager had insisted the week of activities be held here. Having been raised with Richard after the death of his parents Eldridge had diligently ferreted out all of the family foibles and skeletons.

Richard, accustomed to his cousin’s cutting jabs, and eager to be on his way, merely nodded.

“I do hope she isn’t taking guests to visit the portrait. Could prove--well you know,” Eldridge finished with a smirk.

Hackles rising, Richard took a steadying breath. “’Haps you should have remained in London,” he said shortly and made to pass his cousin.

“Never think I meant to offend,” Eldridge drawled as he manoeuvred the baron so that his cousin’s back was to the chamber. “My apologies,” he offered. “The Haven and its grounds are truly beautiful this time of year.

“Do you recall my first summer here? Lud, what a time we had we had exploring this heap. Remember that day we removed the panel in the library?”

Those long ago days were better forgotten as far as Richard was concerned. The consequences of his cousin’s “little pranks” had usually fallen on him. Why has Eldridge trapped me in “conversation” this eve only to prattle nonsense? Dremore wondered. What does he want? He always wants something.

As Eldridge nattered on Dremore’s thoughts went on the guest he most wanted to see. Despite knowing Miss Stratton but a few days he missed the young woman’s company. Everything in his life brightened for having met her, even Heart Haven.

Miss Stratton. He unknowingly half smiled as he pictured her delicate oval face and extraordinary blue eyes. This eve I shall gain permission to use your given name. Dremore’s smile broadened. Daphne.

Would she wear her neat braid of rich brunette neatly coiled at the nape of her neck or adopt a more frivolous still for the party? A feathering of wayward curls about her face, golden highlights shimmering amidst the coffee brown tresses would prove irresistible. Such beautiful hair, Richard mentally mused not noticing Eldridge smirk at his inattention. Such kissable lips. I cannot regret that I dared more than kissing her hand when we strolled alone in the gardens yester day. Richard sighed.

POV affects the mood and the voice of the story. Each character’s POV brings its own freedom and limitations. You have to decide which POV makes it easier to develop your characters, which reveals the information you need to make known and which makes the story stronger or weaker. It often takes strategy and maneuvering to figure this out. The paramount point is to always be certain you are totally IN the POV you have chosen. Take the switch from Richard to Omniscient and then back to Richard in the last paragraph of the scene. The Omniscient POV is intrusive and totally out of line. Perhaps Richard SHOULD notice Eldridge’s smirk. Would the story be stronger if he did?

Below is my attempt to put the scene completely in Richard’s point of view. Print it out and compare it side by side with the original to see how I did it. A site that has useful information and examples on fixing head hopping is WritingWorld.com. Do you have any “tricks” that make POV easier? Please share!

Dremore started to turn as they headed toward the footman only to be halted by a gentleman who blocked his way.

Tonight not even Eldridge can mar the evening, Richard thought as he took in the square face of his first cousin with its chiseled features so like his own. He knew this and their similar build and blond hair caused casual acquaintances and strangers to mistake them for each other. But Eldridge’s frosty grey eyes, thankfully different from his dark blue, as usual had a gleam Richard could not like. He banked his impatience to find the lady with whom he longed to share the evening.

“The old pile is in fine fettle this eve. Does you proud,” Eldridge drawled with his usual touch of sarcasm.

You never change, Richard thought. He quashed unwelcome memories of their childhood together. His parents had raised Eldridge with him when his cousin was orphaned. Eldridge knew perfectly well that the ancient house, a dozen furlongs from the newer family mansion, was kept in good repair because of a codicil in the first baron’s will. It unpleasantly dawned on Richard that Eldridge would also deduce his mother had demanded the soiree be held here despite his objections.

“Still cowtowing to your mother’s whims.”

The purr in his cousin’s voice confirmed Richard’s thought.

“I do hope she isn’t taking guests to visit the portrait,” Eldridge said. “Could prove . . . well, you know, embar--”

“’Haps you should have remained in London,” Richard snapped. If only he could slam a fist into the man’s face and wipe off that smirk.

“Never think I meant to offend.”

Richard took a step to pass Eldridge. He arched a brow in surprise when his cousin laid a hand on his arm.

“My apologies,” Eldridge offered. “I did not mean to offend. The Haven and its grounds are truly beautiful this time of year.

Do you recall my first summer here? Lud, what a time we had exploring this heap. Remember that day we removed the panel in the library?”

Those long ago days are better forgotten, Richard thought. The consequences of his cousin’s “little pranks” had usually fallen on him.

Why has Eldridge trapped me in “conversation” this eve only to prattle nonsense? Richard wondered. What does he want? He always wants something.

As Eldridge nattered on Dremore’s thoughts went to the guest he most wanted to see. Despite an acquaintance of only a scant week with Miss Stratton, he was beyond fond of the young woman. Everything in his life brightened for having met her, even Heart Haven.

Miss Stratton. He unknowingly half smiled as he pictured her delicate oval face and extraordinary blue eyes. This eve I shall gain permission to use your given name. Richard’s smile broadened. Daphne.

Would she wear her neat braid of rich brunette neatly coiled at the nape of her neck or adopt a more frivolous style for the party? A feathering of wayward curls about her face, golden highlights shimmering amidst the coffee brown tresses would prove irresistible. Such beautiful hair, Richard mentally mused. Such kissable lips. I cannot regret that I dared more than kissing her hand when we strolled alone in the gardens yester day. Richard sighed.