Brick Walls, Summer Heat and Maximum Destruction

Yup, it happened. The whole month disappeared. My blog is due, and I’m runnin’ behind. I have no excuse other than being knee deep in edits. I’m not real fond of editing after the book is finished. My brain has all dialogue so deeply embedded it refuses to take an objective look. So, after staring blurrily at the computer for a few eons, I called in the cavalry. Her name is Pat J A fresh pair of eyes did the trick, my noggin has got its act together, and I’m off and running.

That doesn't mean life has become a bed of editing roses. Nope. It does mean I’m making progress, with an occasional brick wall to smack. That’s where you come in. I thought we would do some on-line editing.

Below is a short scene that I can’t quite decide if it needs something more or not. I want your opinion. I want you to poke as many holes in it as you can find, and tell me why. I want you to adjust, rearrange, and finagle to your hearts content.

Consider it an exercise in staying out of the heat. That has as much to do with my BICHOK right now as self-discipline. Ah, heck, probably more. If I’m going to hole up and hide from this fiery blast furnace we’re living in, I better work.

Here it is. Enjoy and destroy.

Wade pulled his pickup next to Debbie’s car. He stood up, turned around, and froze at the scene fully visible through the screen door. Coal holding Kelli’s face as they stared at each other, her choice plain when she laid her head upon his chest, then Coal’s capitulation. There was no doubt, whether Coal understood or not, Kelli had chosen him.
Pain bit deep. She hadn't wanted his comfort, his help or his strength. In fact, she flinched every time he touched her. Why, Father? What is wrong with me? First Lori, and now Kelli. What am I doing wrong?  
Nothing, my son. I will restore all that the enemy has stolen in my time. Trust me and hold on.
He barely noticed his sister’s greeting, her worried glance towards the house. She knew what this would do to him. Wade wanted to get back in his truck, to run away and lick his wounds, but he couldn't. His job, as Chief of Police, wasn't finished. Bending back into his vehicle, he pulled out a clipboard full of papers.
Help me, Lord. Don’t let me make a fool of myself. I should be happy for them. They’re my friends. I should be glad they've found each other, but I’m not. I’m angry. Kelli and I had made no promises, but this still hurts. Help me, Father. I can’t afford to lose it right now. Help me hold it all together until I have the time to deal with this.