With a Little Help from My Friends

Making a Friendship

While I'm an avid plotter like Pat and it's done a lot to help me as a writer, when I really thought about what is "the most useful writing craft idea I've ever found", it isn't plotting, it isn't an idea or a craft.  It's friends.

When I came into this writing thing, my goal was to see if I could actually write a romance.  I'd bounced back into reading them after a long spell and discovered I enjoyed them.  Really enjoyed them.  A far cry from Stephen King books, for sure.  So I sat down and wrote, mostly longhand, a romance novel.  I liked it!  I really liked it!  Not that it was a great story, but it was fun and I wanted to write more.

Sometime later, I actually had an odd thought.  Maybe I could become a real author with this new found enjoyment.  I checked out books, I bought books, everything I could find on how to write a romance and what to do after it was written. And in the back of one of those books--Romance Writer's Sourcebook--I found information on Romance Writers of America (RWA).  My interest skyrocketed.

This was before the internet became what it is today, but as soon as I learned that my then-husband had been using the World Wide Web for some time---we won't talk about what happened when I found the charge listed on the credit card for it---I demanded I get a chance to give it a try.  I honestly don't remember how, but I found a romance writers chatroom.  I read it for weeks, never typing a word to interact with the others, just reading their conversations.  Not until my birthday, that is, when I decided, what the heck.  Introduce yourself, silly.  In that chatroom, I found people who were actually writing and seeking publication.  One of those people just happened to be an RWA member and a Golden Heart Finalist, who was going to the National RWA conference in Dallas in a little over a month.  I, too, decided that one way or another I would be at that conference.  I called RWA, paid a new membership fee and conference fee, booked a flight, a hotel room and a rental car, and informed the then-husband that I was going to Dallas.  He nearly fell off the combine, where he was standing.

Kat and moi on the road trip to DC 2000 Conference

I'll never forget how nervous I was, but when Kathie DeNosky, the Golden Heart Finalist from that
chatroom, came up behind me to introduce herself as I stood in line to register, it became one of the biggest turning points in my life.  (Note:  I'd told her what I'd be wearing and she'd been watching for me.)  We bonded instantly, and I swore to her that I would hang onto her shirttail forever.  I did, and still do.  She sold her first book to Silhouette Desire on June 14 (my birthday), three years later.  I sold my first to Silhouette Romance on April 3, 2000.

Along the way, we met and made friends with many romance writers, both published and yet-to-be-published.  Janet Barton, who now writes for Love Inspired, became one of our dearest friends, as did Belinda Barnes, who sold to Silhouette Romance before I did.  We critiqued together, we brainstormed together, we consoled and celebrated together.  Kat (Kathie) and I logged more times on the phone (me in Kansas, she in Illinois) with each other than two people ever should.  If it hadn't been for those three ladies, I would have thrown in the towel, dozens of times.  We shared good times and bad times, and even a few secrets.

Although we no longer spend anywhere near the time on the phone as we did in the past, Kat and I are still often in touch.  We brainstorm (along with chitcat and gossip) via phone (3-way calls) with Kristi Gold (Desire, SuperRomance, and back to Desire) in Texas, who once critiqued with Belinda Barnes.  Yes, it's a small world.

But it isn't just the ones I've mentioned that have inspired me along the road of writing.  It's also the many members of WARA I've been blessed to know, throughout the past seventeen years.  I love ya, ladies!

Writing is like making a quilt.  You can do it alone, or you can do it with friends.  Honestly? Both quilting and life are much better enjoyed with friends.

WARA's Mini-Retreat (Rox Delaney)

Due to the craziness of life, I missed writing my blog post earlier this month.  It happens to all of us.  We all have lives that are woven with have-to's and need-to's, and some things get missed in the process of day-to-day living.

If you look to the left, you'll see a photo of a group of women.  They're smiling.  Why?  The photo was taken at WARA's Fall Mini-Retreat, held last Saturday.

I can't remember a time when I didn't enjoy one of WARA's weekend retreats or mini-retreats.  If I had to count how many I've attended, I wouldn't get it right.  I've been a member of WARA for most of the past 17 years.  Although there have been a few times we've had to skip having a retreat, there have been many.  For me, they're a must-not-miss.

Retreats, whether over a weekend or only just a day, are a kick-in-the-backside.  A good kick-in-the-backside!  Not only is it a chance to hear where others are with their writing, but a time to Talk Writing.  Those who aren't writers have difficulty understanding people who hear voices in their heads.  Those who do write take it for granted and understand that if you aren't hearing those voices or seeing a scene played out in your head, something needs to be done.

It doesn't take much to hit a roadblock in a story.  Sometimes a character decides to make decisions or do something the writer never planned.  Or sometimes we discover we've written ourselves into a corner and don't know how to get out of it.  Talking with others who understand story structure or conflict or goals or motivation are a godsend.  Even many non-writers, but voracious readers can only help so much.  Writers are a writer's best friend.

Not only are those of us in WARA writer friends, we're also friends who write.  Add to it that we have families and the usual activities and difficulties that women (and men) face in the "normal" world, and strong friendships are often made.  I have writer friends, within WARA and without, and friends who've never written and don't have a clue what it takes to create fictional people and stories.  I value all of them.

So what did we do at the retreat?  We brainstormed, we offered suggestions, shared bits of information, had lunch and ATE CAKE that Reece baked and decorated. :)  We came away with possible answers to questions and the good feeling of having spent a day with friends.  Retreats help fill the well.  Who could ask for more?

As for WARA, itself, we've outgrown some things and are adding new.  We're looking forward to making our group better and stronger as we continue to make new friends and and meet with long-time friends.  Our retreats help with that and our writing.

Start BIC-HOKing, ladies!  Pat and I each have a whip. ;)

We Are Addicted

It takes a few seconds to recall the days before computers became an integral part of our lives.  I remember my first computer, a Commodore 128, purchased in the 1980s, before the internet became readily available to the average household.  At the time, I was involved with a small, local community theater group, and I couldn't believe everything I could do with my nifty computer:  making flyers--with graphics!--and writing articles about the group for the local newspaper.

By the early 90s, my then-husband became interested in what a computer could do and bought a much better one--for him.  I was sometimes allowed to use it when he was at work.  I took a correspondence course in writing for children and teenagers, typing away on both the old and the 'new' computer when I could, then mailed my assignments in when finished.  Internet had not yet arrived for the common man or woman.  I left writing behind for a few years and didn't pick it up again until my four daughters were a little older.  In the meantime, I'd returned to reading romance and decided it might be fun to try my hand at writing it.  It was!  I wrote for a year or so, bought some books on writing romance, then discovered some information in one of the books about a national organization for romance writers--Romance Writers of America--and their annual conference was quickly approaching!  And RWA had a local chapter!!  Penny Rader and I had met in the book store where she worked at the time, and she had previously invited me to join it, although I wasn't quite ready for that...yet.

I also learned WE HAD INTERNET.  And we'd had it for some time.  Color me angry.

With the Internet, a whole new world opened up for me.  I found the Romance Authors Page (RAP) chatroom for romance writers, where I lurked for over a month.  Then, on my 45th birthday, I stuffed my shyness in a closet and joined it.  In the meantime, I'd become an RWA member, booked a flight to the conference in Dallas, a rental car and a hotel room.  I also attended my first WARA meeting.  In the RAP chatroom, I met Kathie DeNosky, who was a Golden Heart finalist that year, and we met in person in at the conference.  We still remain very close friends, although she lives in southern Illinois and I live in Kansas.  Had it not been for computers and the Internet, that never would have happened.  Since then, I've met hundreds, if not thousands, of romance writers and count many of them as friends.

Yesterday morning, the sky fell down on me.  I turned on my computer to discover that my monitor wouldn't work.   No writing, no connecting with friends, nothing.  I love my monitor.  22" at my fingertips to see the world.  It even swivels to vertical, so I can compare two documents at the same time.  But now, when I turn it on, there's a blank screen...then turns off...then turns on, only to keep repeating.  I blame the electric company.  In just over four weeks, our power has gone out four times, always when the computer is on.  The first time was for 25 hours, due to a storm.  The second time, barely two weeks ago, power was out for almost two hours.  The third time, earlier this past week, it was out for about 45 minutes.  Then Friday night, with no storm in sight, the power on our block went out, came on, went out, came on, then went out, in less than 10 seconds.  It stayed out for about 20 minutes.  I ended up spending the rest of the evening with my youngest daughter and her best friend, before finally going to bed.  Then came the fallen sky yesterday morning.   I spent most of the day trying to fix the monitor, even buying a new video cable.  It's now Sunday, and I'm now using my oldest daughter's old 12" monitor.  This is not fun, but without it, I'd be found in a corner, huddled in the fetal position.  But it works, and since I'm on deadline and can't live without connecting with my friends, I don't have a choice.

So, yes, I have an addiction to computers and the Internet, but I'm not alone.  On the flip-side, as long as I have a computer and Internet, I'm never alone...except during those power outages and blown out monitors.

My Favorite Things (cue Julie Andrews)

My grandkids look at me as if I've lost my mind when I tell them to take care of their books, because books are their friends.  For me, growing up as an only child, books were my friends, especially when all the other kids were busy with something else.  Books opened up the world around me, whether fiction or non-fiction or even encyclopedias.  Is it a wonder I started wearing glasses in second grade, after reading books by nightlight?

It was no accident in later years that when I had an answer or a problem that I would go out and search for self-help books.  From being a better person and uncluttering my house to pregnancy and child-raising and everything in between, I had a book on it.  So when I came to the point of deciding that I wanted to be a writer, it was books that I turned to.

I still have one bookshelf filled with writing how-to books that contains one book that actually put me on the road: You Can Write a Romance...and Get It Published! by Yvonne MacManus.  That's where I found information on Romance Writers of America and the date of an upcoming National Conference.  I joined immediately, rented a car, and purchased plane tickets...all in one day.  That day changed my life.

Although You Can Write a Romance... was the book that put me on the path to--well, not stardom, by any means, but learning and happiness and new friends and more--it was only the beginning.  I discovered Debra Dixon's Goal, Motivation & Conflict, boosting my writing skill to a new level.  I met and became friends with author Elizabeth Sinclair, who penned The Dreaded Synopsis (A Writing and Plotting Guide), and have nearly worn off the cover.  I've not only used it for writing a synopsis, but for plotting, too.  The one book that is always within arm's reach is The Synonym Finder by J.I. Rodale.  It's basically a thesaurus, but contains only synonyms, and is nearly three inches thick.  I'm on my third copy.  The first two copies were only well-worn, but worn out.

But the best thing about all of this is not the books, but the people I've met along the journey.  There are my WARA friends and the Ditzy Chix, a group of 10-12 authors that came together in the summer of 2001 to share the ups and downs of being writers.  My friend Kathie DeNosky has always been my guide and inspiration, keeping me from throwing in the towel, many times.  In fact, we became best of friends at that first RWA conference in 1996 in Dallas, Texas.  We still laugh about the day the lightbulb lit over our heads when we realized at the same time what the difference was between Harlequin Temptation and Silhouette (now Harlequin) Desire.  The other who makes up our triad of craziness is Kristi Gold, who makes me laugh and makes me think.  Listening to one of our three-way phone calls as we brainstorm would leave most people dazed and confused.  But even with the three of us talking at once, we understand and help each other, whether it's brainstorming or sharing the trials and joys of life.

So that's it.  Books, books, and friends, none of which I could live without and am eternally grateful to each and every one.  Without them, I'd be sitting in a corner, gibbering senseless stories to myself.  Now I get to share that gibbering with many, many more.  What could be better?

You Are Not Alone

Tomorrow is WARA's Mini-Retreat Part 2.  In other words, this is our second 1-day retreat of the year.  I'm really looking forward to it.  It's a great way to refill the well, kick-start a new project, find answers to perplexing plot or character problems, and, in general, have a good time with friends.

In our quest to blog about well refilling this month, we've focused mainly on things we do on our own and by ourselves.  Doing this really is important.  It's also something we shouldn't be doing at our desk or our laptop.  It really is based on getting away and putting some space between writing and self.  We need to take care of us.  When we do that, our writing will often take care of itself.

In addition to our private well-filling and self-nurturing, we need to remember that having friends is just as important.  Even stay-at-home-moms are encouraged to join groups such as Moms Day Out.  Being a hermit, whether chosen or by default, isn't healthy for the soul. We need other people to bring us out of ourselves, to see the world from the perspective of someone else, to expand mentally, emotionally, and creatively.

Groups are fun, especially groups that share an interest.  For a writer, a group can be the one thing that keeps her from giving up, dropping out, or being inert. Just listening to a group of writers---especially female writers!---can lift another write to the point of wanting and sometimes needing to write.  For a women, a group provides friendship, support, and fun.  Last month, four of us (three WARA members and a former member) met at a local movie theater to see Hope Springs.  It provided a wonderful way to get away from our usual venue, do a quick catch-up on what's going on in each other's lives, and enjoy not only the movie, but the company of friends.

If you're finding that refilling the well isn't going as you'd hoped it would, maybe it's time to pull in some help. Gather some friends together for a few hours and have fun.  When it's over, you might look down into that well and discover that it's brimming, once again.  One warning.  Don't make this a time to complain or grumble over the hurdles you're encountering in life.  Make this a time to look for the things that make you smile.  And then do it. ☺

Happiness adds and multiplies, as we divide it with others. -- A. Nielsen

MORE SUPPORT THAN A PLAYTEX BRA By Reese Mobley

Who or what has been the biggest influence on my writing?  Hmmmm.  This is a tough one.  I guess the answer would have to be everyone.  My folks encouraged me from the moment I expressed interest.  I can always rely on my husband or children for positive reinforcement.  I've had a writing pen-pal/friend for years.  WARA members are always there to give me a high five or a hug.  But, in all honesty, it's probably my critique partners who have had the most influence on me.  Two of the three women are multi-published and I'm sure the other one isn't far behind them.

These three ladies push, prod and are more than willing to give me a kick in seat of my pants when I need it.  They tell me what works and what doesn't in my manuscript.  Their success makes me want to do better.  Do more. I want to be like them when I grow up. 

We've been together for years and even though we have different lives and writing styles, we all work well together.  I love these girls and respect them and their opinions.  Together we plot, plan, create and have fun along the way.  We've shared the highs and lows of our lives and writing careers.  They've seen me at my worst and at my best and yet they stick around and for that I will be forever grateful.   

Pat, Deborah and Rox, thanks for always being there for me. 

Hugs,
Reese

 

Discovering Inspiration Along the Way

What's the most unusual thing in your writing space that inspires, entertains or humors you?

I've been thinking a lot the last fourteen days about what I'd write about today and been coming up with very few inspiring ideas. After ten plus years of writing, I finally have my own writing space and what have I done to make that space inspiring? Not much.

After two moves in the last three years I've been living out of boxes with a few stacks of books making their home near my desk. I have come to a point in my life of starting over. My third child has left the nest and I've taken over her bedroom as my office area. After a year, I still feel like I'm trespassing in her room and while it thrills me to finally have space that is my own I've been struggling with truly making it mine.

I do have plans and ideas for this space of mine but I think it will be built a little at a time as I rediscover myself and refocus on becoming the writer I dream of being. I hope to someday have pictures of heroes and heroines on my walls, screaming out at me to write their stories. I've always wanted to develop a better plotting style as well and have writing and plotting boards to help my stories past that first blank page. It's a fun journey thinking about what really inspires me. Who am I and what would I like to have around this space that will motivate me to move further along my writing path.

But for right now in this moment in time, on my desk I have a teddy bear and a small pink convertible. The teddy bear was a gift from a very special person who has shown me that romance truly does exist in the world. My fluffy bear inspires me every day to write about that love that for a very long time I didn't really believe in. The pink convertible was a gift from a friend after the 2007 RWA conference in Dallas. It brings back memories of friends and fun and gives me hope that some day I'll have a car and drive again and go to other conferences and meetings.

As I continue my life and writing journey, I have my teddy bear, my pink convertible and my secret stash of peanut butter M&M's. I am inspired, humored and entertained, but I am never finished growing and learning.

What about you? I want to hear some of the things other writers have in their space that inspires them to give me some ideas of what to do with mine.

A Quick Note (Rox Delaney)

Reese is busy with family visiting for a couple of weeks, so she's been excused from blogging this month. I'm going to miss her usual humor, but family is much more important.

Our blog turned two years old on Friday!  For all the WARA members who have participated during that time, pat yourselves on the back and have some chocolate!  And thanks to all of our visitors for stopping in over the past two years, too. You've made our blog even more special. ☺

Not only is this month the blog birthday, but it's also WARA's anniversary.  We'll be celebrating it at our next meeting on April 10, so there's a lot for us to be thankful for this month.  Here's hoping April is a great month for everyone! 

The value of friends

I almost forgot to blog today. Yesterday was my cousin's funeral. I had to hurry home afterwards because my hubby needed an MRI of his brain. Long story short. It was a lovely funeral and the MRI had to be postponed. All of this got me thinking about my friends.

My husband is my best friend. He's been that for as long as I've known him, even during those times when I wanted to part his hair with a frying pan. My daugher, too, has become a dear friend after some rocky years as a teenager.

My cousin Kay was a childhood friend. That's not a picture of us, but I wish I had one like it. We drifted apart over our married lives, but when we reconnected during her illness, it was as if those years were only a long weekend and we were laughing and giggling like girls again. How funny that we can pick up a friendship right where we put it down. It's one of the magical things about having friends. I know when I meet Kay in heaven it will be exactly the same. All giggles and joy and none of the sorrow that touches us here.

My WARA friends mean the world to me, too. Reese and I joined at the same time. I won't say how many years ago that was, but I value her friendship today as I did in the begining. Roxann was there to mentor me at the start and I can't thank her enough. Starla, too, shared her wisdom with a newbie in the early years. All these people, and many more, (you know who you are), have been friends to me and my support both in and outside of my career. I want to thank all of you for that.

So tell me about your friends. What's your best friend's name? How did you meet? What's the best way to say thanks for being my friend.